Tuesday, December 27, 2011

New Year Resolutions-Schmezolutions

New Year Resolutions are about fresh starts and beginnings.  It's about looking at your life and resolving to embrace new and improved habits.  Eat less!  Exercise more!  Stop impersonating the Swedish Chef in public!

Theoretically, if you make a resolution, then it shows you are determined to make that change a part of your life. 

Yeah.  Right.

In my experience, if it's on your New Years Resolution list, then it's not going to happen:

 What Actually Happens
 Lose weight!
 Gain 20-30 pounds.
 Quit biting nails!
 Chew off entire finger.
 Be nicer to your fellow man!
 Engage in an act of road rage so severe, it makes the national evening news.

I thought about making some Reverse Resolutions this year.  You know, instead of resolving to lose weight, I'll resolve to gain weight.  Then, I'll feel unnaturally compelled to train for a marathon and adopt a vegan diet.

However, I am not prepared to take that sort of risk.  Knowing my luck, I would finally manage to keep a New Years Resolution.  By the end of 2012, I'd look like a porpoise.  So this year, I am making zero resolutions.  Happy New Year!

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