Friday, December 9, 2011

Cupid: Dumbest Name Ever For A Flying Reindeer

As a small child, I thought it was very important to memorize the names of Santa's reindeer.  I remember silently practicing the lyrics to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer during any downtime I had at school.  (I was a huge nerd).

Although I have recited the names of the reindeer about one million times, it only recently occurred to me that Cupid the Reindeer shares a name with Cupid the Greek god.  After I made this important connection, I spent an unhealthy amount of time wondering: why the hell did Santa name one of his reindeer after the official mascot of Valentine's Day

Finally, I put the pieces together: Cupid the Fat Baby God can fly; Cupid the Reindeer can fly; and Santa was trying to inspire his reindeer to soar through the sky like a magnificent Greek god.    

But is Cupid the God the sort of role model we want for Cupid the Reindeer?  Cupid the God is a fat baby who terrorizes the singles of the world with his enchanted arrows.  Do we really want an obese, violent reindeer landing on our roofs?  I don't know about you, but I prefer my Christmas reindeer svelte and sedated.  (Have you listened to Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer recently?  A cautionary tale if I've ever heard one).

And while I'm on the subject: what was Venus/Aphrodite doing letting her fat son fly around and shoot people with arrows?  If Venus and Cupid were alive today, Venus would be convicted of child abuse and Cupid would be sent into foster care.

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