Friday, October 14, 2011

How To Watch The Pennant With Your Husband

My husband is a Cardinals fan.  Tonight, the Cardinals are playing Game Four-Wait-Game-Five of the pennant.  (I can't keep track.  We've been watching a lot of baseball this month).

Before I offer my unsolicited advice, we need to talk about some terminology.  When I was a kid, it was called "the pennant."  Now it is called the "NCLS" (whatever the hell that means, because seriously, sports are not confusing enough already).  Well, I'm not calling it the NCLS.  That's too many letters for me to remember.  I'm calling it the pennant because (a) that's what I learned in the 80s and (b) "pennant" is a cool word that is not used often enough.  

Now that we have cleared that up, we can move on to the advice segment of our programming: how to watch the pennant with a rabid Cardinals fan who would cut off his toe for another World Series title. 

Let's start with seating strategy.  It is okay to sit on the same couch as the rabid Cardinals fan, but you must remain on high alert.  The rabid Cardinals fan may, at any time, suddenly make wild arm gestures.  If you sit too close, you will get a concussion.

During the game, you are allowed to talk.  But never, at any time, for any reason, say, "But it's just a game."  Unless you are trying to incite violence.

Please remember that this is not a good time to talk about "your feelings" or "your relationship."  Exception: you may talk about your feelings of rage/disbelief towards the umpire, the relief pitcher, the manager, etc. 

And finally, do not remind the rabid Cardinals fan in your life that the team just won the World Series in 2006.  That was 2006.  This is 2011.  He wants another World Series title now, end of discussion.

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