Thursday, October 13, 2011

And I Thought I Was Being So Smart.

My husband and I drink a lot of soda.  If you opened our recycling bin, you would gasp at the number of empty plastic bottles.  Now, before you launch into a lecture about the health risks, I would like to make two observations: (1) we only drink diet soda; and (2) we don’t care about the health risks.  Please save your lectures for crack addicts, chain smokers, and nose pickers.

I have undertaken the responsibility of maintaining our soda supplies.  My husband probably drinks more soda than I do, but he has a real job with a real commute and really long hours whereas I telecommute part time and spend an unhealthy amount of time in my pajama pants. 

We do not smoke, and as between smoking cigarettes and drinking soda, I think soda is the lesser evil.  But I will say this about cigarettes: at least they do not weigh a lot.  I usually restock our soda supplies at the grocery store, and my god, 10 or 20 bottles of soda are really effin heavy (especially if you have useless T-rex arms like I do).  Try pushing a cart weighed down with 20 bottles of soda around your grocery store. It's really not that bad, except for the fact that it's a total pain in the ass.  

Last June, I got the bright idea to just buy 100 bottles of soda all at once so I could avoid soda shopping until the end of the summer.  Our grocery store was having an amazing sale, so I launched Operation: Buy An Absurd Amount Of Soda.

I bought nearly 100 bottles of soda and had to make two trips into the store.  Both times, I filled my cart entirely with soda.  Word to the wise: when you fill your cart entirely with soda bottles, people will ask questions.  And when they ask if you are throwing a party, it’s really fun to whisper, It's for a scientific experiment.   

Fast forward to October.  We still have at least 10 bottles of soda leftover from Operation: Buy An Absurd Amount Of Soda.  I have fortified our supplies a few times when I see a good price at the store, but for the most part, I did not have to worry about our soda supplies this summer. 

I thought I was so smart.  I thought, Next time, I’ll buy 200 bottles of soda, ha ha!  I started to daydream about an annual soda run, even if that meant turning our garage into Soda Command Central.

But, alas, I recently learned a valuable lesson.  Unlike wine, soda does not improve with age.  Especially if it is stored in our garage.  I opened a bottle of soda from my June shopping spree this morning, and bleh, it tastes like garbage.   

Oh well.  No more soda shopping sprees for Courtney.  Does anyone need a bottle of flat cola?