The Hamptons

While I was in the Hamptons earlier this month, I enjoyed a lovely day with my Grandma Shirley at Cooper's Beach. It's a beautiful beach with clean sand, relatively clean bathrooms, and a friendly beach chair/umbrella rental service.

It's the Hamptons, so they try to keep the beach exclusive with expensive parking. By "expensive parking," I mean "forty bucks" a.k.a. "the price of a nice dinner for two." My inner Scrooge would have thrown a shit fit at the thought of paying $40 for the honor of parking my car, but fortunately, we had a free parking pass for residents (BOO YAH).

You might think that an expensive beach at the Hamptons has an exclusive, classy crowd, but you would be wrong. While I was sitting with my grandma, I heard a gentleman shout, "Come here and play frisbee, you lazy punt!" (Note: he did not say punt. He shouted, for all to hear, including children, a certain word that rhymes with "punt.") Also, while sitting with my grandma, a woman walked by in a thong bikini. By "thong bikini," I mean "we saw her entire ass." It was a well-toned ass, but I did not need to see any woman's bare naked butt during my beach day, especially while sitting with my grandmother. If I wanted to see lots of naked tushees, I'd go to Brazil or a nude beach.

I also went on a road trip to Greenport with my mom, sister and grandma that involved two ferry crossings. We do not have a lot of ferries in Southern California. Who first came up with the idea of loading a bunch of cars on to a boat and then going out into open water? It just doesn't seem safe.