Last Saturday, I went to see The Dan Band with Nathan and my dad. The Dan Band has appeared in movies like Old School and The Hangover. The lead singer Dan dresses like a mechanic and sings girl songs by artists like Beyonce and Alanis Morissette, peppering the lyrics with lots of salty language. He has two back-up singers, who look like English professors in their blazers and glasses. I've seen their concert live three times now, and it is hilarious.
But would it kill them to start the show on time? The concert time on the tickets was 8 p.m., but the show did not actually start until 9:40 p.m. Seriously? I know I'm old, boring and lame, but if they weren't going to start the show until 9:40, couldn't they just effing say that on the tickets?
I've been to many concerts, and I realize from experience that only the philharmonic starts on time. Everyone else apparently has a blank check to start the show whenever the bleep they want to, because a musician's time is more valuable than a non-musician. As a non-musician, I should feel honored and privileged to have extra time to soak up the atmosphere and pay $12 for some crappy domestic beer.
The people of the world, should make a pact to START THE FREAKING CONCERT ON TIME. Why are we rewarding the tardy potheads who are getting stoned in the parking lot?
Realizing that concerts never start on time, I try to arrive late. Really, I do. But I'm never late enough, because I don't want to miss the show that I've paid good money to see. Then, by the time the show actually starts, I'm feeling bitter and hostile, and it takes an amazing effing show to get me out of my funk.
Fortunately for The Dan Band, they put on an amazing show, so I forgive them their tardiness, and I will keep going to their performances. But to all the other singers and bands that have callously wasted my time while they flirted with groupies and worked on the New York Times crossword puzzle - I curse thee! May you spend your eternity in a DMV/doctor's office purgatory, waiting for a concert that is never going to begin.
