Sunday, July 8, 2012

An Open Letter To Myself

Dear Courtney,

Hi. It's me, Courtney. I'm writing this blog post while sitting against a heating pad, because your stupid back hurts again. As you might recall, a few weeks ago, you fell on your ass while testing beach chairs at the drugstore, and your back has not been the same since. 

Yes, the back has rallied and felt okay for several days in a row. But once again, it hurts. You know why? Because you are getting old and you're out-of-shape. You no longer have the back of a spry 16 year old. You have the back of a 33 year old woman who thinks taking a stroll around the neighborhood counts as "exercise." Oh, you sweet naive idiot.

This is what you're going to do: you are going to rest your back until it is 125% better. Don't be an idiot and play frisbee when your back is only 85% better. Don't be an asshat and carry around heavy boxes when you are just 90% healed. And don't, for the love of god, don't be a nimrod and get a massage when your back is just 98% better. (And I don't even want to talk about gardening. If I catch you bending over to pick one weed this week, there is going to be hell to pay).

Be a good girl. Sit with your heating pad and take it easy. You can float around in the pool BUT IF YOU EVEN CONSIDER DOING A CANNON BALL, I WILL DISOWN YOU. You can take some slow walks around the block, but let's amble. There's no need to swing your arms about wildly and break a sweat. Let's just keep the old back limber.

When you are 125% better, we're doing pilates again.  Remember pilates? It's that fantastic exercise regime we used to do that builds your core strength and keeps your back feeling fantastic. You are not a young chicken anymore. You need to take care of your body, so that you can enjoy several more decades of gardening, cooking, and chasing after frisbees. That means pilates.


p.s. I'm watching you.