Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Sometimes, Our House Scares The Crap Out Of Me

Our house makes alarming sounds, especially when I am home alone and taking a shower.  Since I telecommute, it seems like I am always showering in an empty house.  I don't mind showering in an empty house except the sound of water in our shower pipes sounds like a rapist creeping towards my bathroom.

No matter how many times our shower makes the rapist sounds, I am spooked.  I freeze and stand very still and pray the rapist is just a thief stealing my laptop.  Because if a rapist is in fact wandering through our house, I'm f***ed.  We had the bathroom repainted last year, and since then, the bathroom door will not lock.  And, the bathroom is "room locked" and windowless, so I do not have an escape route.  If an intruder actually busts into the bathroom, I will have to defend myself with a razor blade and shampoo bottle. 

(Actually, I should probably defend myself with a conditioner bottle, since the conditioner bottles are always Almost Full and the shampoo bottle is always Nearly Empty).

The house itself also makes creaks that sound a lot like "a serial killer walking around on tiptoe and hiding in my closet."  Of course, the house never makes scary sounds when Nathan's home or during the daytime.  It only happens when I'm (a) alone and (b) it's dark.  You might say I just have a hyperactive imagination, but I think the house has a mean sense of humor and is toying with my emotions.