Last weekend, our new neighbors finally moved into the vacant house next door. In an earlier post, I worried and speculated that the new neighbors might have evil children. I'm not talking about children who are a little noisy and climb trees. I'm talking about children who are destined to be on America's Most Wanted list.
The new neighbors do not have any children. Instead, they have a dog. And by dog, I'm not talking about Lassie. I'm talking about a Great Dane that looks like a mythical beast from the Age of Heroes and is about as large as a small horse.
Rather than panic, I have decided to be cautiously optimistic. The Great Dane has a reputation of being a gentle giant that is very good-natured and friendly. My Danish neighbor and I will probably become good friends. I'll slip her doggie treats, and she'll scare away any intruders.
But I'm a little concerned that my new Danish neighbor is going to tear out my throat before we can become friends. Our houses are only divided by a white picket fence. The fence is high, yes, but it is also old. It will probably turn to dust under the weight of a galloping Great Dane. And, whenever I go outside, the Great Dane barks and gallops towards the fence.
Let me tell you what happens when a Great Dane starts to gallop towards you. You don't think "what a magnificent, noble beast" or "Great Danes are by nature very friendly creatures." No. When a Great Dane starts to gallop towards you, you only have one thought: "I'm going to die."
Like I said, I am cautiously optimistic. The Dane will obviously get used to my presence and stop charging every time I go outside, right? However, if I disappear from this blog, please alert the authorities. Tell them that I have been mauled by a Great Dane and require immediate medical attention.