Holy crap, it's November! And you know what that means? Before you know it, we'll be stuffing ourselves silly with turkey and pumpkin pie. And you know what that means? It's almost Christmas AND HOLY CRAP SOMEONE JUST HIT THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING PANIC BUTTON.
I wish I was an indifferent gift giver. I wish I could just give some socks and a candle to everyone on my gift list. But alas, I can't. I have Giftaphobia. In case you are unfamiliar with the disorder, here's its definition:
1. The compulsion to give an extraordinary present that makes the recipient say, "Holy crap, I didn't realize I wanted XYZ, but now that I have XYZ, I can die happy." See also, "die happy gift."
2. The fear of giving someone a really crappy gift.
Most of the year, my giftaphobia is a manageable condition. Okay, I have been known, on occasion, to spend an unhealthy amount of time searching Amazon for the perfect book to send to a one-year-old. (Because it's not just a book. It's the gift of reading. And if I can pick just the right tome, I can transform that one-year-old into the next Hemingway). But most of the time, I can give presents without having a full-blown panic attack.
But after Halloween, things get ugly. So many presents! And they all have to be AMAZING! EVEN IF IT MEANS MARCHING THROUGH EVERY MALL IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA AND SURFING THE WEB UNTIL MY EYEBALLS FALL OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
If you suffer from giftaphobia, rest assured: you are not alone. Scientists are working around the clock for a cure for this horrible condition. In the meantime, a large glass of wine does provide some relief.