Monday, February 13, 2012

Unsolicited Advice for Brides-to-Be: No One Cares About the Escort Cards

These are the escort cards from my wedding:

Let's take a closer look:

Look at the love and attention that went into these escort cards.  We could have just printed a sheet that listed everyone's table assignment, but no, we had individual cards.  With pink ribbons!  Green stamped hearts!  And keys!  Old vintage keys!

Let me tell you about those keys.  I spent an ungodly amount of time searching for those keys.  I found online stores that specialize in old keys, but their product seemed too expensive and sterile.  (Yes, I actually thought the keys were "sterile" - that's how crazy a bride can get).  I went to antique shops in Pasadena and discovered that their keys were even more expensive.  So I scoured eBay and finally found a legally-blind retired locksmith selling sets of pretty keys at a reasonable price.

Even then, I hesitated.  The keys were uncut.  If you take a closer look at the photos, you might notice that the bottom notch for each key is flat.  The keys were never actually used for a lock.  The horror!  The horror!  I spent weeks, freaking weeks, agonizing over whether the wedding guests would think I was a fraud for using uncut keys with the escort cards.  Finally, I realized I was being bridezilla about the stupidest detail imaginable, and I bought the keys.

I think the keys looked lovely on their display board but ... nobody cared.  My wedding guests still compliment me on my dress, the venue, the photobooth, the sweets table, and the basket of free flip-flops we provided as "spare dancing shoes."  But the escort cards?  I have not heard a word, positive or negative, about the freaking escort cards.  I'm sure most people threw their key out, and I bet some guests were annoyed that they had to hold an antique key during the cocktail hour. 

On the plus side, if I ever start collecting antique keys, I will have a sentimental reason to justify the new hobby.  But, if you are planning a wedding, and you are trying how to devote your time and resources, here's my word advice: spend no more than two minutes thinking about the escort cards (and even that amount of time is probably excessive).

I got married in July 2011, and now I have lots of opinions about weddings.  My baby sister Katherine (aka Spucky) is ten years younger than me.  Someday, she will get engaged and I will want to go into crazy big sister mode and inundate her with advice.  Instead, I'm writing blog posts so when she gets engaged, she can read (or not read) my advice at her leisure.