Friday, October 19, 2012

Stuffed Animal Census

The Cranky Pumpkin Household is home to a lot of stuffed animals. I thought now was a good time to conduct the first ever Cranky Pumpkin Stuffed Animal Census, so I can determine just how many stuffed animals we have in our pre-baby household. 
Before we start, I'd like everyone to understand that when I met Nathan, I only had TWO stuffed animals: Purple Bunny and Chris. If you think I own too many stuffed critters, please blame my husband.
From left to right: Prat Panda; Gonzo; Pumpkin; Purple Bunny; Chris.
Nathan gave me Prat Panda and Pumpkin. I know Pumpkin was a birthday gift, and let's pretend I remember the occasion on which Nathan gifted me Prat. I think we can safely assume that a year from now, Prat and Pumpkin will be covered with baby drool and vomit.
Gonzo was a prize from one of those claw machines. Nathan won Gonzo the first December we were dating when he went home to Nebraska for the holidays, long before The Muppets sparked my Muppets Mania.
Purple Bunny is a purple bunny. My Aunt Pam gave him to me when I was three or four (and not very clever when it came to names). He was one of my best friends, along with Gloworm (lost) and Baby, my first stuffed bunny (also lost).
Chris is the brown dog sitting on the typewriter. He was in my stocking on Christmas morning when I was in the sixth grade. I thought I was very clever naming him "Chris" for Christmas. Chris came to Dartmouth with me and spent four years guarding my dorm beds. He has taken a lot of abuse and been stitched up - a lot. Although this is typical for a stuffed animal, it's a wee bit embarrassing since I did not receive Chris until I was nearly twelve years old. (I was a late bloomer.)
Nameless Blue Monkey
I don't believe we ever named this blue monkey, but Nathan won him at Knott's Berry Farm.

After Nathan won the blue monkey, I totally kicked some carnival game's ass and won this Stewie. I gave Stewie to my sister, but she rejected the gift. I guess some people are too cool for stuffed Stewies. Now Stewie presides over a book shelf in all his cranky glory, and I won't let my sister have him even if she asks nicely.

Beaker, Christmas Minion, Kevin, Snoopy
Nathan gave me Beaker for Christmas last year.

He won liberated the Christmas Minion from a claw machine at the mall. I shouldn't have to tell you this, but the minions are characters in Despicable Me, one of my favorite movies. I've been told to bring a few movies to the hospital when I go into labor; and if I'm actually sane enough to watch a movie, it will probably be Despicable Me.

The minion in blue overalls is Kevin, named after Kevin Gillespie, one of our favorite Top Chef contestants. And can we take a moment to take about serendipity? As I wrote about Kevin the Stuffed Minion, I wondered, Hmm, I wonder if Kevin the Chef has written a cookbook yet? I checked Amazon, and HOLY CRAP, HIS COOKBOOK WAS RELEASED ON OCTOBER 16TH!!! I NEED THAT COOKBOOK NOW! I suppose I could be patient and ask Santa to bring it for Christmas. Except oopsie, I just ordered it on Amazon. My bad.

Nathan bought me Snoopy at the end of our Knott's Berry Farm day. Which reminds me: I better set the DVR to record It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. It's not Halloween until I hear Charlie Brown say, "I got a rock."

Murray; Elton; a pillow that looks like an owl
but is not in fact a stuffed animal
Murray is my Muppet Whatnot. My parents gave me a gift certificate to create a Whatnot for my birthday last year. They assumed I would make a girl Whatnot that could be my alter ego. As you can see, I went with something a little different. I'm curious to see how long I can keep Murray safely away from Baby Girl (prediction: not very long).
Nathan won Elton, our largest minion, at Circus Circus in Las Vegas. We saw Sir Elton John in concert during that trip, hence the name. ("I Ate Too Much At the Paris Breakfast Buffet" was just a little too long.)
The owl is just a pillow. Pillows don't have names, stupid.

I made the blue creature sitting on top of the Nebraska book during an amigurami class. Since then, I have completely forgotten how to crochet because knitting is my first craft love. I suppose I will have to teach myself amigurami again if Baby Girl demands her own knitted creature.

My amigurami blob had a name at one point, but I forgot it. Crap.

Last but not least, this dachshund is Baby Girl's first stuffed animal! My mom and sister bought it for Baby Girl in August, so now she has her own Little Man ready to protect her at night.

Now that I have conducted this very official Stuffed Animal Census, I have discovered one disturbing omission in the Cranky Pumpkin Stuffed Animal Population: WE DON'T HAVE ANY STUFFED PUMPKINS. What the eff? I guess I'll have to buy myself a stuffed pumpkin the next time I go to Target.

If you read this entire post, I would like to offer my congratulations: you are almost as lame as I am.