Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Neighborhood Watch, My Ass

When I saw a "Neighborhood Watch" sign as a child, I assumed the neighborhood in question was diligently patrolled and guarded by the neighbors.  I imagined pairs of adults roaming the neighborhood with walkie-talkies and flashlights ALL NIGHT LONG. 

Now that I'm an adult, I know better.

Case in point, my neighborhood has this sign, which claims the area is protected by an illustrious and noble "Neighborhood Watch Program":

Lies!  Shameless lies!  Let me tell you about my local neighborhood watch program: it doesn't exist.  Look, if I see a burglar lurking in my neighbor's backyard, yes, I'm going to call the police but that doesn't mean we have a formal program in place.  A program suggests an organization with leadership, fliers, and meetings.  It doesn't mean "we stuck a sign in the ground and hoped for the best."

At best, this sign dissuades the dumb criminals, who see the sign and think, Oh crap, a neighborhood watch!  I'll be caught for sure!  These are the same criminals who can maybe steal a lawn ornament on a good day.

But the smart criminals who are actually capable of stealing valuable property?  Yeah, something tells me they are not going to be deterred by the sign. 

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