Thursday, September 22, 2011

Dog Leashes: Explained

I was recently taking a walk in my neighborhood when I had to do a 180 and completely change my route.  What made me do the 180?  A Rottweiler.  Although a leash was attached to the Rottweiler's collar, the Rottweiler's owner was not actually holding the leash. She was bending down, presumably cleaning up some doggie doo.  While I applaud this dog owner for cleaning up after her dog, I would like to explain a few things to her about leashes.

You see, here's the funny thing about dog leashes: they only work if there's a human holding on at one end.  Yes, attaching the leash to the dog's collar is Step One.  But guess what?  There's another step!  YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY HOLD ON TO THE DAMN LEASH!

Now, I realize that the owner of the Rottweiler probably meant well.  Her sweet doggie probably graduated from an elite doggie discipline university.  He is obedient and likes to cuddle with toddlers.

But here's the thing: I don't care.

Rottweilers are terrifying beasts.  They are bred for their commitment to anarchy, blood lust, and destruction.  If I had to choose between petting a Rottweiler and a Pit Bull, I would probably choose the Rottweiler but that's not saying much. A Rottweiler is built like a tank but it can move like a panther.  Actually, now that I think about it, a Rottweiler is basically the canine equivalent of a panther.

In the future, I ask all owners of Rottweilers to not only put a leash on their dog, but to also hold on to that leash with all the strength that the Good Lord gave to you at all times that you let your demon-dog go out in public.  But really, if I'm going to be completely honest, please just leave your Rottweiler in the basement, chained to a concrete pole.  Your dog is terrifying and does not belong in a civilized world.

Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. You need to get out more. Challenge your assumptions. Be prepared to be wrong, learn from it. Maybe you'll find you're the animal who should be chained in a basement.