Dear Idiot Motorcycle Drivers:
I hate you.
Before I start this rant, I'd like to clarify one thing: I do not hate all motorcycle drivers. In fact, most motorcycle riders seem to be civilized folks with a healthy fear of death. Yes, they drive between freeway lanes when there is traffic, but can you blame them? At least they drive defensively so they don't get killed.
But you, Idiot Motorcycle Driver, I hate you. You race around like you are immortal BUT YOU ARE NOT. You stupid effing dumbass. If you bump into my car, my car is going to end up in the shop... and you'll be dead. Your motorcycle is going to flip through the air and you are going to skid across the freeway and end up in the path of a big rig. I might get a little whiplash, but you are going to be a pile of human pulp.
Idiot Motorcycle Driver, you need to be more careful. You are not a god, and you do not own the road. If I kill you with my car, it is not going to be my fault. It will be your fault, for driving around like a drunken blind one-armed dumbass. You'll be dead, and I'll be alive.
And I will have to live with the guilt.
Idiot Motorcycle Driver, maybe you have a death wish. Maybe you drive like a suicidal devil because you are hoping a driver like me will put you out of your misery, while you are up to your 110 mph bullshit antics. But that does not give you a license to drive like an asshole.
Idiot Motorcycle Driver, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with the guilt of your death on my hands. No one wants to kill an idiot motorcycle driver, and yet it happens every day, again and again and again. Idiot Motorcycle Driver, show some respect for the drivers of sedans and SUVs. We don't want to bump into you, and we are doing our damn best to keep you alive, but when you are driving like a lunatic, accidents happen.
This is my wish for the Idiot Motorcycle Drivers of the World: (1) that you get the most expensive speeding ticket possible every time you drive like an asshat; and (2) that a herd of wild buffalo tramples your motorcycle; and (3) if #2 is not possible, then I'll be happy if a maniacal circus clown throws your motorcycle into a ravine.
With love and affection,
Courtney (a safe driver who hates Idiot Motorcycle Drivers)