Thursday, January 7, 2016

I (Heart) Stats

There are a lot of great things about having this blog. It's an easy and convenient creative outlet. It lets me pretend I'm a "bonified" writer. It helps me send messages to aliens in the Alphapoot System.

But the thing I love most about this blog?

The stats.

Oh my god, I love the stats. As the master of this blog, I am privy to some fun information about the readers of this blog. Don't worry, I don't know who you are. But I do know you are probably Russian. In the past week, this blog received "102 pageviews" from Russia. Now, I don't know if those pageviews all came from one avid Russian reader or 102 different readers. But I like to think that there are 102 Russians following the antics of The Cranky Pumpkin. I bet they are sipping Vodka right now and wearing big fur coats and clutching a well-read copy of Anna Karenina. Hello, Russian Readers!

My most popular post of all time is this one about Caffeine Withdrawal.  It's been viewed 2,216 times. I guess the internet is interested in caffeine withdrawal. Maybe I should start a separate blog devoted to caffeine. Except these days, I'm caffeine free, and I intend to stay that way for the rest of my life because caffeine destroys me. It turns me into an anxious, agitated, awful beast woman. So I'm officially done with caffeine. FOR-EFFIN-EVER. Which means I will not be getting rich and famous off a caffeine blog during this lifetime. Oh well.

In the past week, this post about the Hamptons was viewed 24 times. Huh. I guess people like to look at photos of my feet in the ocean? Or maybe my devoted Russian fan base is dreaming about summer? Or maybe the aliens in the Alphapoot System are planning their invasion, and they think the Hamptons are a good place to land their fleet? People, we might never know, and that's okay. No one really cares about this shit in real life.

Anyway, I guess I need to keep blogging and occasionally generate some original content so I can keep checking on my stats BECAUSE BLOG STATS ARE AWESOME.