Thursday, January 21, 2016

Courtney vs. The Neighborhood Crocodile

I can't run. 

Well, that's not entirely accurate. Let me try again.

I can run about 100 feet. While I'm running those 100 feet, it feels as if I am in grave danger of losing something important, like an arm or my entire torso.

I would like to be able to run again. Not so I can run marathons. That's just not in my DNA.  

But yesterday, I went on a walk with Pippa and Julian. Halfway through the walk, Pippa got out to collect flowers and examine sidewalk cracks and build a snowman out of leaves. As we were walking home, she shrieked, "A crocodile! Run!" She started to run and I wanted so badly to join in her game. I ran with her for the 100 feet my body could handle, but then I had to walk because it felt like my ass was going to break off. That made me sad.  

I want to lose weight and get into the best shape of my life so I can be healthy, wear the clothes I want to wear, and run away from invisible crocodiles with my preschooler. 

In early December, I decided to lose a 100 pounds. I've already lost 12 pounds, so hey, only 88 pounds to go! In the past, I have focused on smaller weight loss goals on the theory that if I thought about all the weight I need to lose, I would get depressed and give up. But I got a Fitbit, and the Fitbit App asked me for my weight loss goal, and I confessed to the entire 100 pounds. And you know what? It's inspiring to have such a big weight loss goal. Look, anyone can lose 10 pounds. I myself have done so more times than I care to remember. But 100 pounds? That's fucking inspirational. And I am going to do it because I am a bad ass. 

Right now, I'm working on the Julian pregnancy weight. Then I have to finish losing the Pippa pregnancy weight. And the newlywed weight. And then it's the forty pounds I gained after I became a lawyer. (I like to think of that as the "I hate being a lawyer and I'm so anxious I have to eat this stale cookie or my head might explode" weight.) Then, last but not least, I have to lose the ten pounds that I gained during my five week eat-all-the-pastries-in-Europe trip that happened after I took the bar exam. And then, whew, I'm done. Its like time traveling! Except instead of meeting Benjamin Franklin, I get to eat lots of kale.

As I mentioned, I have a Fitbit. Holy crap, I love that little gizmo. I have been walking 10,000 steps every day and since mid-December, have only missed my goal twice. Many nights, I have to pace around the house to hit the 10,000 mark, but it's worth it. Already, I can feel my legs getting stronger.

I am so excited to get back into shape and lose all this weight I'm schlepping around. Eighty-eight extra pounds - that's a sixth grader! I am giving a piggyback ride all day, every day to some shitty sixth-grader. Holy shit, do you know what that's doing to my knees? 

I am so ready to drop that sixth grader on his ass and let him be devoured by the crocodile roaming my neighborhood.