Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Please Keep Your Horror Stories to Yourselves, Thank You Very Much

I'm going to my cousin's baby shower this weekend. Well, let me rephrase that: I am planning to go to my cousin's baby shower this weekend. I'll be 36 weeks pregnant tomorrow and at this stage of the game, my body is unpredictable. If the shower was today, I'd definitely be there. But Sunday? I might not be in any sort of condition to leave the house and drive to the Westside! I am, however, optimistic and keeping my fingers crossed.

I am excited to attend my cousin's shower. She is due two weeks after me (how cool is that?) but since we live on opposite sides of L.A. County, I haven't seen her since Christmas Eve. I can't wait to compare our pregnant bellies in person. Also, I decided to skip having a shower for Baby Girl, mainly because I lacked faith in my fussy tummy's ability to handle an entire party. (Would you want to go to a shower if the guest of honor was puking in the bathroom 70% of the time? I think not.) Since I did not have my own shower, it will be fun to vicariously soak up the atmosphere of storks, rattles and bottles.

But I am also a teeny-tiny bit apprehensive about the shower. When some people see a pregnant belly, they feel compelled to share the most horrifying labor and delivery stories they know. I'm worried that the baby shower atmosphere will only enhance this phenomenon, and I'm not interested! I am feeling calm and mellow about the coming weeks, and I'd like to stay that way, thank you very much. I don't want to hear any stories that involve "tears" or "temporary paralysis." I don't care if your sister-in-law's cousin's freshman roommate gave birth in a broken elevator. I don't need my head filled with a bunch of worst case scenarios.  

I suppose if anyone tries to tell me a labor horror story, I can just practice the breathing and focus techniques I've been learning at my prenatal yoga classes. And if that doesn't work, I'll just use my pregnant bladder as an excuse to walk waddle* away from the story. The pregnant bladder does have some usefulness, from time to time.

*Nathan claims "waddle" is not the right word for my new walking style. He says it's more of a "stomp" since I am very deliberate about the way I place my feet on the ground. Hey, call it what you want, but it works. Despite my belly's best efforts, I have not tripped!