The Clover Brewer

This is the Clover Brewer:

It's not a very attractive machine (even with the Hipstamatic app), but it makes the best damn coffee I have ever tasted.

This particular machine is located at the Starbucks at the Barnes & Noble in Old Town Pasadena.  The barristas are very proud of the Clover Brewer.  They speak about it reverently, almost as if it is a religious artifact with healing powers. 

I hesitate to describe this coffee as "magical."  Chocolate can be magical; coffee is just tasty.  But this coffee is really, really, really, really, really damn tasty.  I always doctor my coffee with a splash of milk.  This coffee is so good, I drink it black. 

According to one friendly barrista, the Clover Brewer works like a reverse french press.  It's an expensive machine and only 100 Starbucks locations have one.  (Thank you, Starbucks, for sending one to Pasadena).

I am pretty certain that you can brew anything in the Clover Brewer - dirt, lima beans, old toothpaste - and it will still taste good.  If you are ever within a hundred miles of a Clover Brewer, you simply must get a cup.

WTF: Stockings at the Gym

I saw the most appalling thing at my gym this morning: a woman, exercising on an elliptical machine, wearing neon orange shorts, a matching striped cardigan, a visor and stockings.  There are two serious issues with this outfit.  I will begin by addressing the lesser offense.

Offense No. 1: The visor.  My gym is underground.  There are no windows.  In other words, it is never sunny in my gym.  Let me tell you what a visor looks like in an underground gym: stupid.  It doesn’t look cool or hip or even whimsical.  It just looks stupid. 

Offense No. 2: The stockings/pantyhose.  WHO WEARS STOCKINGS TO THE GYM???  If you do not like the way your legs look, there is this amazing invention called PANTS that you can wear.  But shorts and stockings?  That does not enhance your performance on the elliptical machine.  It just makes me an extra cranky pumpkin.    

Halloween is for Halloween, End of Discussion (Ugh)

Excuse me, but I must rant.

I would like to join a book club in Pasadena.  I already belong to a book club, but the members live scattered throughout L.A. County and we meet sporadically, at best.  Also ... we never talk about the book.  My book club is a just an excuse for several women in their early 30s to get together, eat and talk about everything (except the damn book that we were all supposed to read). 

As much as I enjoy my current book club, I am a bookworm and a nerd.  I would love to actually talk about books with some fellow bookworms for an hour every month or two.  I don't want to join a book club that dictates all the books I read, but I would like to spend more time talking about things like literature, reading, writing and books.  Right now, I talk about these things for about two or three hours every year.  There are 8,760 hours in a year.  I think I can do a little better.

Last week, I saw this sign outside my local bookstore:

I rejoiced.  I have not read Brave New World since high school, and I would love to reread it.  And The Thorn Birds?  I just read that during my honeymoon!  It was wonderful and exactly the sort of book I would love to discuss with some fellow book lovers. 

Then, I looked closer.  The book club meeting for The Thorn Birds is October 31 at 6:30 p.m.  It might as well be scheduled for "Halloween when the kiddies are trick-or treating."  Because Halloween is always on October 31.  And kids always go trick-or-treating just as it gets dark.  Halloween is not one of those holidays that moves around like Easter or Thanksgiving.  A person could accidentally schedule a book club to meet on Easter. "Oh, oops!  Easter is in March this year?  That's so early.  Oh well, we'll just have talk about The Thorn Birds in early April."  But Halloween?  You can't accidentally schedule a book club for October 31 and then tell me you forgot about that whole trick-or-treating thing.

Who organized this damn book club, and why do they hate Halloween?  People, Halloween is once a year.  You have 364 other days to schedule a book club meeting to discuss The Thorn Birds.  Why must you insist on a conflict with a major holiday? 

I'm assuming that this always book club meets on the last Monday of the month.  But if Halloween falls on the last Monday of the month, doesn't that warrants an exception?  Move the book club to Tuesday, Wednesday, or any other day that is not Halloween! 

I briefly considered attending The Brave New World meeting, but I don't want to join a book club that scorns Halloween.  That is just too pretentious for me, thank you very much.  My quest for a Pasadena book club continues...

Dinosaur Weed

I spotted this weed growing in front of my neighbor's house.  It looks like something from the Jurassic period.  I would not have been surprised if a Pterodactyl had swooped overhead as I took this photo. 

Then, as I continued my walk, I spotted this fauna planted in front of a neighbor's house, in a proper flower bed.  Oh cruel, cruel disappointment.  This fantastical weed is just a flower eeking out an existence in the gutter.  The Jurassic period is not returning to Pasadena anytime soon.

Maybe my neighborhood can get just one pterodactyl?  A flock of green parrots terrorizes my neighborhood.  They are demon creatures that make the most awful sounds known to man.  If everyone would just keep their children and small dogs locked inside, the pterodactyl could take care of the parrot problem.  Then, I will capture and tame the pterodactyl.  I'll name him Fred, and he will be the star of The Cranky Pumpkin Traveling Circus.  We'll travel the world for two or three years, and then I'll sell Fred to Microsoft. 

An Open Letter to Watermelon

Dear Watermelon,

You are so delicious.  I love you.  A lot. 

If I was stranded on a desert island, and could only eat five foods for the rest of my life, I would want to choose you, Watermelon.  Except I couldn't, because you don't have a lot of nutrients or protein.  I would have to choose something like broccoli or blueberries.  A girl needs her antioxidants (I think I read this in a magazine).

Watermelon, I just think you are the best.  I love you so much, I would marry you.  Except that would be weird, and I'm already married.  Ok, if I'm being honest, I suppose I just like you a lot.  But I'm not ready for a committed monogamous relationship.  I still really like apples, bananas, plums, strawberries - oh shit, nearly every fruit I know is delicious. 

Watermelon, keep up the good work! 

Love,
Courtney

Taxi v. Subway v. Submarine

I am thirty-two years old; I was born and raised in Los Angeles; and today, I used L.A.'s public transportation for the first time.  (Don't look at me, I'm hideous). 

Why, after thirty-two years, did I decide to finally try L.A.’s public transportation system today?  Well, it all started with a sports injury…

My husband Nathan nearly broke his foot last week playing basketball.  His friend drove him to an emergency room in Pasadena.  Nathan's car stayed behind in a parking lot in downtown L.A.  We knew we had to retrieve the car eventually; but at first, we had other priorities (e.g. making sure the foot did not need to be amputated). 
 
We assumed that Nathan would be able to drive within a week of the injury.  This was a bad assumption.  It's been eight days, and my poor husband is still hobbling around on crutches.  Today, he did something very exciting: he successfully carried a cup of soda from the kitchen to the living room (a stunning distance of twenty feet).  Driving is not happening anytime soon.  It was time for a rescue operation.

The rescue operation needed a leader.  Someone with all the qualities you expect in a hero: courage, compassion, convictions, and charisma.  Since no one fitting that description was available, I volunteered.

I needed to get to downtown L.A. in order to pick up Nathan's poor beleaguered vehicle.  I thought: I'll drive my car.  Then I thought: no, dumb ass, how will you get your car home?  Right!  I needed an alternative form of transportation.

I had three options: (1) the Metro (a.k.a. the subway); (2) a taxi; or (3) a submarine.  I weighed my options:

	Metro	Taxi	Submarine
Cost	$5 day pass	At least $40, possibly more if there is a traffic jam or the taxi driver is on the lam and needs a hostage	Approximately $3 billion – I would need to buy a submarine, decorate the submarine to look like Red October, bribe government officials to build a secret underwater passage, build said passage, and buy submarine outfits
Convenient?	Yes! It’s about a 25 minute walk from my house to a metro spot.	Somewhat.  You can’t hail a cab in Pasadena (unless you have a few years to spare), but you can call the switchboard.	No, but very bad ass.
Can I skip the gym if I use this type of transportation?	25 minute walk to the metro?  Hell yeah, skip the gym!	No, you fat lazy slob.  You still have to go to the gym.  p.s. I hate you.	Unknown, but who cares?  You own a submarine.
Adventure Level: Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being Romancing the Stone/Indiana Jones and 1 being “eating a t.v. dinner while watching Wheel of Fortune.”	People watching + navigating the metro for the first time = A strong 6	Varies between a negative 5 (traffic, taxi driver is listening to a radio station in a language you do not speak) and an 8 (you become a pawn in a bank robbery).  A taxi ride is never a 10.	11,947,228 – submarines are AWESOME.

 


















If I had unlimited time and resources, I would have chosen the submarine. But, since I needed to pick up the car before Christmas 2018, I chose public transportation. 

And I loved it.  I sat on a comfortable if slightly itchy seat in an air-conditioned car.  I looked out the window and saw all new parts of Pasadena.  Although I would like to eventually own a submarine, for now, the L.A. Metro makes me happy.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things: The Maui Edition

I recently went to Maui for my honeymoon.  It was amazing, and my husband and I are already talking about our next trip to Hawaii.  These are some of the things I love about Maui:


1.  Walking barefoot on wet sand.

2.  The Maui coastline - every beach has its own character.

3.  Driving the Road to Hana, Maui's most famous scenic drive.  It's a harrowing drive (windy, narrow roads with one lane bridges) but it's breathtakingly beautiful.  Think panoramic ocean views, waterfalls and lush vegetation.

4.  Vegan ice cream made from coconut milk.  Scientists recently established that ice cream tastes better if it's served in a coconut shell.

5.  Black sand beaches. 

6.  Waterfalls.  Enough said.

6.  After you drive to Hana, there are two ways to go home: (1) backtracking on the road you just traveled, or (2) taking the "back roads" that are considered a little more "adventurous."  We took the back roads.  They were terrifying but then we got to drive through a completely different countryside.  The tropical rainforest was replaced with a barren but beautiful landscape.  

7.  Tropical drinks!  Oh, I would kill for a mai tai right now (excuse me...)

8.  Fresh, tasty seafood.  We ate as much fish as possible during our honeymoon.  Before Maui, I never understood the appeal of fish tacos.  Now I do.

9.  The Serenity Pool at the Four Seasons is an adults only infinity pool that overlooks the Pacific Ocean and Wailea Beach.  We spent at least three days camped out at this pool. 

10.  A blended mai tai served in a real pineapple.  Did I order the drink simply because it was served in a pineapple?  Absolutely!