Summer Resolution: Beach Day

In April, I wrote a list of Summer Resolutions.  Earlier this month, I crossed "beach day" off the list.  The day after our trip to Hearst Castle, we went to Goleta Beach, right near the UC Santa Barbara campus:

It should be illegal to build a college campus so close to the sea.  Do the students ever go to class?  What do they major in?  Surfing and sunbathing?  If you are the parent of a high school student, DO NOT LET THEM APPLY TO THIS INSTITUTION.  Your child will become a professional beach bum and probably die when a tsunami engulfs the campus.

Fortunately, school was not in session, and the beach was relatively empty.  We played frisbee, frolicked in the ocean, and built sand castles.  Below is the Impenetrable Fortress.  We built it within the waves' range and fortified its structure with seaweed.  Then we watched to see how long it could withstand the waves.  Our little fortress survived for at least twenty minutes!  We built another castle closer to our beach towels and named it "Gondor" because it had a Lord of the Rings vibe; but alas, Gondor was not a photogenic castle.

Nathan and I previously shunned the beach since we have a pool and don't want to deal with Los Angeles beach traffic, but now we are hoping to have at least a few more beach days this summer.  To that end, I recently bought us a beach umbrella at the drugstore.  I also tried to buy some beach lounge chairs; but when I was testing a $15 chair, the damn thing collapsed.  I currently have a bruised butt, and I'm sitting on a heating pad as I write this.  (Sigh). 

When my butt recovers, I'm going to resume my hunt for suitable beach chairs; but this time, I think I'll look for something that won't jeopardize my tush.  I think we can afford a little more than $15 per chair if that's what it takes to keep my ass in one unbruised piece, thank you very much.

Hearst Castle!

Last weekend, Nathan and I finally made the pilgrimage to Hearst Castle, which is about five hours away from Pasadena (in between L.A. and San Francisco).  My family took two or three trips to Hearst Castle when I was growing up, but I have not been since my senior year of high school.  (Which, oh my god, was fifteen years ago.  I'm old).

This is how I like to describe Hearst Castle: it's a historical site; an art museum; a design/furniture museum; an architectural wonder;  a monument to wealth, capitalism and extravagance; a botanical garden; and a nature sanctuary; all rolled into one ridiculous package.

William Randolph Hearst built his "little ranch" on the top of a hill.  If you want to visit the Castle, you have to buy tickets for a tour at the visitor's center.  No tour, no castle.  A bus shuttles you to the Castle.  It's about a ten minute drive on a winding road, and the Castle and ocean views appear, disappear and reappear many times.  This is the same road that Hearst himself and his guests took when they were visiting the Castle.

I would need a helicopter or reliable jet pack to take a photograph of the entire 165 room estate (including the main castle, the three guest houses, gardens, outdoor pool, and tennis courts).  But I left my jet pack at home (and it's a very moody, unreliable brat), so I just took this photo for you.  It's the main entrance to the Castle.

The Castle is California's answer to the Palace of Versailles.  We first went on the Grand Rooms Tour and saw the Assembly Room, where people like Charlie Chaplin and President Coolidge played poker, the dining room, the billiard room, a sitting room, and the movie theater.  Every night, Hearst screened the latest Hollywood hit, and the staff watched the movie with the guests.  After dinner, the guests had to wait until the staff were finished cleaning up before the movie could start.

The dining room (below) is decorated with 600 year old Italian silk flags.  The tour guide is standing in front of Hearst's chair.  It's hard to see in the photo, but the table was always set with ketchup and mustard.

I love how the billiard room is decorated with a tapestry that belongs in the Met.

After the Grand Rooms Tour, we wandered around the gardens.  In the background of the photo below, you can see one of the guest houses.  (By the way, I'm wearing my Black Exercise Shame Pants, which are so stretched out of shape, Nathan was worried I'd trip over my own feet.  But we had a five hour car drive and I wanted to be comfortable!  Also, I'm perfectly capable of tripping over my feet at any time, no matter what I'm wearing).

This is my favorite statue in the gardens.  I call it "Greek Hottie Feeding An Ear of Corn To A Goat."

Then we sat down and admired the view.  If forced to live at Hearst Castle, I suppose I would eventually tire of the panoramic views of the Pacific coastline...

And the outdoor swimming pool.  I'd totally hate the outdoor pool after a few days...

Oh, who am I kidding?  Hearst's outdoor pool is my happy spot, and I would gladly pay $1000 just to swim there for an hour.  (The State of California owns and operates Hearst Castle, and this might be a good way to solve California's next budget crisis).  

Then we took the Cottages and Kitchen Tour.  Since we had made the trip to Hearst Castle, we figured we might as well take two tours. 

This piece of art was hanging in a tiny guest bedroom.  It's probably worth more than my house and all of its furnishings.

  

When Hearst was decorating the Castle, Egyptian antiquities were "the rage" so he bought these Egyptian statues for the garden.  For 3,000 years, the statues watched over the Nile River.  Now they watch over tourists and the Pacific Ocean.

Below is the pantry.  Yes, you read that correctly.  It's the pantry, not the kitchen.  (Please don't show this photograph to my pantry, its self-esteem is already low, seeing as it's just a collection of shelves).

We also saw Hearst's wine cellar, but it was too dark for good photos (flash photography is forbidden inside the Castle).  I expected a vast cavern that stretched under the entire estate, but the cellar was just two smallish rooms.  Yawn.

I was morally obligated to strike a pose when I saw Hearst Castle's version of the Kitchenaid stand mixer.  (I no longer resent my stand mixer for taking up a huge chunk of counter space).

Lastly, before catching a bus back to the visitor's center, we admired the indoor pool. 

Some random thoughts if you want to visit the Castle:

•  We bought our tickets online the day before our visit.  This guaranteed we got to take the tours we wanted, when we wanted. 
• There is perfectly acceptable lunch food at the Visitor's Center.  It's nothing fancy, but it's convenient.
• Strollers are not allowed!  If you have a little one, be prepared to schlep that child around.  The tours involve a lot of walking and stairs.
• I first visited the Castle in the fourth or fifth grade and loved it.  Nerdy ten year olds will appreciate the tour. 

Disneyland!

Being a grown-up involves a lot of crappy stuff, like paying bills and taxes, but there are also perks, like going to Disneyland whenever you like. 

Last Sunday started like a normal Sunday.  We went to our favorite bagel shop for breakfast, played a lot of Mario Kart Wii, and grilled some chicken for lunch.  We were planning to swim and bum around the house after lunch, but then we decided to go to Disneyland.  BECAUSE THAT'S THE SORT OF CRAZY SPONTANEOUS ADVENTURERS WE ARE!  WE EVEN SOMETIMES GO TO NEW RESTAURANTS WITHOUT CHECKING YELP!  WE ARE WILD AND CRAZY - WATCH OUT!

We took a minor detour and Nathan got his First Annual Summer Buzz Cut at SuperCuts.  For a thirty-two year old man, Nathan has had an impressive full head of hair; but he has been talking about buzzing his hair off for the summer for a couple of years now.  The stylist looked to me for approval, but I did not try to knock the clippers from her hands.  We are both pleasantly surprised with how Nathan looks.  I just hope his hair grows back the same, and the buzz cut did not turn him into the next Carrot Top.

But I digress.  We left Pasadena around 1:10 p.m., encountered almost no traffic, and entered Disneyland around 2:30 p.m.  Between parking the car, riding the tram to the park, and buying tickets, we made good time.  If you live in the Los Angeles area and the park is open until midnight, I highly recommend this strategy.  The park will be crowded when you first arrive, but then around 8 p.m., it starts to empty.  So you get a normal day at Disneyland without the freeway traffic.

My second favorite ride at Disneyland used to be Star Tours, but the ride has been updated and the changes made my soul hurt.  First, the ride is now 3-d, but the 3-d vision did not improve the ride.  It just meant I had to wear stupid glasses.  What about patrons who are wearing glasses?  Are they supposed to wear the stupid 3-d glasses over their normal glasses?  Second, there are now dozens of different Star Tours experiences, so the ride will always be different.  In theory, this is a cool idea.  In practice, we were sent on an adventure inspired by A Phantom Menace AND I HATE THAT MOVIE SO EFFING MUCH.  As I was riding Star Tours, I just kept thinking about how much I hate George Lucas for taking a dump all over the Star Wars franchise.  It's hard to enjoy an amusement park ride when you are having bad flashbacks to Jar Jar Binks. 

I may never ride Star Tours again... but Space Mountain is still my favorite ride at any park.  And we rode twice!  All in all, we had a great trip to Disneyland and got to ride all of our favorite big kid rides, from Splash Mountain to Haunted Mansion, with one exception: the Matterhorn.  The Matterhorn was closed on Sunday, and it was also closed during our last visit in February 2012.  Apparently, I'm cursed, so if you want to ride the Matterhorn, don't go to Disneyland with me. 

A special message for Disneyland's Director of Operations: The entrance to Disneyland smelled like raw sewage on June 3, 2012, both when we arrived at 2:15 p.m. and when we left around 10 p.m.  Also, an alarming number of park patrons smelled like urine.  The Happiest Place on Earth should smell like unicorns and fairy dust, not urine, poop and vomit.  Please fix these problem, thank you.

A special message for the grown men wearing Mickey Mouse ears at Disneyland: you look stupid.