I really should have some photos for your today. It's Halloween, and this blog is called The Cranky Pumpkin. You'd think I'd have some pride and would have prepared a collage of pumpkins dressed up in clever costumes. But I have no pride, so no clever photos for you - muhahaha!
I love Halloween, but this year, I am mostly concerned about how I am going to avoid all the candy. Baby Girl is not too keen on sweets. In fact, she hates them and only tolerates them in small amounts. If I eat a miniature chocolate bar, she will ignore my transgression. Sometimes, I can even get away with eating two miniature chocolate bars (but only if they are reeeeeaaaaalllly miniature - like Hershey Kisses miniature). But if I get greedy... well, let's just say that if my vomit bowl is not handy, there's going to be trouble.
Normally, on Halloween, I raid the candy bowl as often as I please. That obviously cannot happen tonight. In the absence of chocolate, I need a new way to entertain myself.
Would it be cruel if I made the children dance for their candy? (And for anyone over the age of twelve, perhaps a song and dance number would be appropriate.)
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Who The Bleep Bit A Chunk Out Of My Tombstone?!
Every six months or so, an animal digs up our front lawn. This goes on for a week or two, until the animal decides to terrorize someone else's lawn. The animal never causes any permanent damage, so it's more amusing than annoying.
I have no idea what sort of animal is at war with our lawn, but I suspect it's either a cat, opossum or puma.
The cat/opossum/puma recently returned, but this time, it did not just paw aggressively at our lawn.
It bit one of my Halloween tombstones! WTF?! It's a styrofoam tombstone. It does not look delicious. It looks like tasteless nasty styrofoam. How stupid do you have to be to want to taste this thing?
And this is not the first such incident. A summer or two ago, the cat/opossum/puma bit up one of our pool noodles! Will this beast's taste for styrofoam never be satisfied??
I found the missing chunk of styrofoam in a nearby flower bed. I hope the cat/opossum/puma choked on it.
Halloween is ruined. I might as well eat all the candy today and give raisins to the neighborhood kids.
I have no idea what sort of animal is at war with our lawn, but I suspect it's either a cat, opossum or puma.
The cat/opossum/puma recently returned, but this time, it did not just paw aggressively at our lawn.
It bit one of my Halloween tombstones! WTF?! It's a styrofoam tombstone. It does not look delicious. It looks like tasteless nasty styrofoam. How stupid do you have to be to want to taste this thing?
And this is not the first such incident. A summer or two ago, the cat/opossum/puma bit up one of our pool noodles! Will this beast's taste for styrofoam never be satisfied??
I found the missing chunk of styrofoam in a nearby flower bed. I hope the cat/opossum/puma choked on it.
Halloween is ruined. I might as well eat all the candy today and give raisins to the neighborhood kids.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Stay Dry and Safe!
If you are affected by Super Storm Sandy, I hope you are able to stay dry and safe.
I am especially thinking about all my family in New York. My Baby Sister recently moved to Manhattan, and this is her first proper East Coast storm. I suppose after Sandy, every other storm is going to look like child's play to her. And my dad of course had to go to Manhattan this week for business. At least they can huddle together and order room service (and pray that Dad's hotel has a good generator).
My grandma lives in Queens but her building is far away from the water. The news is calling this the storm of a lifetime. Well, Grandma Shirley has lived a lifetime in New York, so I can't wait to hear her thoughts when the storm is over.
My Aunt Pam and Company live on Long Island and their situation is perhaps the most bleak. If they lose power, how many hours will my cousins' various electronic toys last? Since she is trapped in the house with two young boys, I'd say my aunt deserves a Spa Week when this storm is over. Preferably in a dry climate with lots of tropical drinks.
Take care, my loved ones!
I am especially thinking about all my family in New York. My Baby Sister recently moved to Manhattan, and this is her first proper East Coast storm. I suppose after Sandy, every other storm is going to look like child's play to her. And my dad of course had to go to Manhattan this week for business. At least they can huddle together and order room service (and pray that Dad's hotel has a good generator).
My grandma lives in Queens but her building is far away from the water. The news is calling this the storm of a lifetime. Well, Grandma Shirley has lived a lifetime in New York, so I can't wait to hear her thoughts when the storm is over.
My Aunt Pam and Company live on Long Island and their situation is perhaps the most bleak. If they lose power, how many hours will my cousins' various electronic toys last? Since she is trapped in the house with two young boys, I'd say my aunt deserves a Spa Week when this storm is over. Preferably in a dry climate with lots of tropical drinks.
Take care, my loved ones!
Fun Chalkboard Map
I recently bought this chalkboard map from Dirtsa Studio on Etsy:
It's awesome! For our first "installation," I colored in all the states that Nathan and I have visited together. I got all of them except Minnesota (which we visited for about an hour while we were in Wisconsin for a wedding, but hey, Nathan's right - it counts). Technically, we've also been to Iowa together, but that's only because the Omaha airport is there. I ruled that waiting at baggage claim does not count as visiting a state. Sorry, Iowa.
Brief tangent: every time we fly to Nebraska, Nathan explains to me why the Omaha airport is in Iowa; and within five minutes, I forget the explanation. I think it has something to do with the river. It must not be that interesting. (Nathan is going to be so disappointed in my listening skills when he reads this post.)
In a few days, the chalkboard will be erased so we can play with it on Election Day.
Then, I'm going to color in the states we have each visited (red for states that just Nathan has visited; green for states that only I have visited; and blue if we've both visited the state, together or separately). I'm pretty certain Nathan wins the Who Has Visited More States Contest, but at least I have been to Alaska.
It's awesome! For our first "installation," I colored in all the states that Nathan and I have visited together. I got all of them except Minnesota (which we visited for about an hour while we were in Wisconsin for a wedding, but hey, Nathan's right - it counts). Technically, we've also been to Iowa together, but that's only because the Omaha airport is there. I ruled that waiting at baggage claim does not count as visiting a state. Sorry, Iowa.
Brief tangent: every time we fly to Nebraska, Nathan explains to me why the Omaha airport is in Iowa; and within five minutes, I forget the explanation. I think it has something to do with the river. It must not be that interesting. (Nathan is going to be so disappointed in my listening skills when he reads this post.)
In a few days, the chalkboard will be erased so we can play with it on Election Day.
Then, I'm going to color in the states we have each visited (red for states that just Nathan has visited; green for states that only I have visited; and blue if we've both visited the state, together or separately). I'm pretty certain Nathan wins the Who Has Visited More States Contest, but at least I have been to Alaska.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Dress-Up For Grown-Ups
Did you ever play dress-up as a kid? My brother and I had a dress-up box with old Halloween costumes and cast-offs from our parents. The best things in the box were (1) one of Dad's old suits, (2) a few of Mom's old hippie skirts, and (3) the plastic red clown shoes. Matt and I spent many happy hours digging through the dress-up box.
As fun as playing dress-up is, most adults do not have dress-up boxes. At least, not in the traditional sense. But, if you enjoyed playing dress-up as a kid, a walk through a department store can yield many laughs.
I usually have the best luck in the hat department. Last week, I found this pink animal print scarf hood thing. Fantastic. It does wonders for my cheek bones.
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This time of year, many department stores have coat sections. Call me a four-year-old, but I could not resist trying this Cruella De Vil number:
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Obviously I bought both the pink hat-scarf-thingee and the coat. They should be very practical for winter in Southern California.
As fun as playing dress-up is, most adults do not have dress-up boxes. At least, not in the traditional sense. But, if you enjoyed playing dress-up as a kid, a walk through a department store can yield many laughs.
I usually have the best luck in the hat department. Last week, I found this pink animal print scarf hood thing. Fantastic. It does wonders for my cheek bones.
.jpg)
This time of year, many department stores have coat sections. Call me a four-year-old, but I could not resist trying this Cruella De Vil number:
.jpg)
Obviously I bought both the pink hat-scarf-thingee and the coat. They should be very practical for winter in Southern California.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Stuff I Did Not Know About Babies
Now that I'm pregnant, I'm discovering I had a lot of misinformation about babies. For example, did you know babies cannot do long division or tie their shoes? But seriously, I've had to reboot my mind about a few things:
1. Babies sleep on their backs: This is relatively new. When my sister was a baby, she slept on her stomach; but since the 90s, experts have determined that babies should sleep on their backs to reduce the chance of SIDs. (Random story: my mom ran to the grocery store while my baby sister was sleeping. My brother and I decided to check on the baby, and we could not remember if she should be on her tummy or back. So while Mom was gone, we kept flipping Katherine from her tummy to her back, every 30 seconds, like she was a rotisserie chicken. She slept through the entire thing.)
2. No blankets in the crib: I thought babies slept with piles of blankets and stuffed animals. Not so. To reduce SIDs, they sleep on a hard mattress. If it's cold, they can be swaddled or can sleep in one of these, but no blankies! Until baby is older, blankets are for strollers, car seats and tummy time, and stuffed animals are for bookshelves, couches and the hat rack.
3. No cute bumper for the crib: Every magazine, catalog and blog shows cribs with cute bumpers. But bumpers are a suffocation hazard! Why are these things even being sold? Do people actually put a bumper on the crib when baby wakes up and then take it off when it's sleepy time? There is no way I'll be doing that, thank you very much. Sorry, Baby Girl, but no cute bumper for you.
4. Baby walkers are death traps: My baby sister whizzed around the house in her walker (it was similar to this gizmo). I can still hear the sound of her walker racing down the wood hallway (and the sound of our mutt Frazier chasing after her). My parents were very concerned with our safety and health, and the walker was considered a safe toy. But now, although walkers are still available, they have fallen out of favor. Babies should play in something stationary instead, like an exersaucer or jumperoo. In the interest of keeping Baby Girl out of the ER, we will be banning all walkers from the Cranky Pumpkin household.
Sorry for all the recent pregnancy and baby posts, but it's the biggest thing on my mind these days. (Well, that, and how many more pumpkins I should buy before Halloween.)
1. Babies sleep on their backs: This is relatively new. When my sister was a baby, she slept on her stomach; but since the 90s, experts have determined that babies should sleep on their backs to reduce the chance of SIDs. (Random story: my mom ran to the grocery store while my baby sister was sleeping. My brother and I decided to check on the baby, and we could not remember if she should be on her tummy or back. So while Mom was gone, we kept flipping Katherine from her tummy to her back, every 30 seconds, like she was a rotisserie chicken. She slept through the entire thing.)
2. No blankets in the crib: I thought babies slept with piles of blankets and stuffed animals. Not so. To reduce SIDs, they sleep on a hard mattress. If it's cold, they can be swaddled or can sleep in one of these, but no blankies! Until baby is older, blankets are for strollers, car seats and tummy time, and stuffed animals are for bookshelves, couches and the hat rack.
3. No cute bumper for the crib: Every magazine, catalog and blog shows cribs with cute bumpers. But bumpers are a suffocation hazard! Why are these things even being sold? Do people actually put a bumper on the crib when baby wakes up and then take it off when it's sleepy time? There is no way I'll be doing that, thank you very much. Sorry, Baby Girl, but no cute bumper for you.
4. Baby walkers are death traps: My baby sister whizzed around the house in her walker (it was similar to this gizmo). I can still hear the sound of her walker racing down the wood hallway (and the sound of our mutt Frazier chasing after her). My parents were very concerned with our safety and health, and the walker was considered a safe toy. But now, although walkers are still available, they have fallen out of favor. Babies should play in something stationary instead, like an exersaucer or jumperoo. In the interest of keeping Baby Girl out of the ER, we will be banning all walkers from the Cranky Pumpkin household.
Sorry for all the recent pregnancy and baby posts, but it's the biggest thing on my mind these days. (Well, that, and how many more pumpkins I should buy before Halloween.)
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Emailing Love Ones In The Peace Corps
As I've mentioned before, my brother Matt and sister-in-law Sara are currently volunteering with the Peace Corps. They live in a remote ass village in South Africa, so weekend visits are not exactly an option. Now that I'm pregnant, I know I won't see them again until they return to the United States.
Thank God for email. Even in their remote ass village, Matt and Sara have internet access. Sort of. I recently emailed Matt a link to a one minute video, and Matt responded that he would have to check it the next time they were in a city. Their internet connection can maybe handle a video that is one second long before crashing.
We also exchange text messages, but we are only both awake at the same time for a few hours a day. I've woken Matt with text messages (sorry, dude), so I have to be really careful about the time difference.
Email works best. I can send a more substantive message, and I don't have to worry about the time difference. However, I do have to worry about the content of my emails.
I never just "write and send" an email to Matt or Sara. Oh no, no no no. I write, reread, revise, reread, revise, reread and then hit the send button. I am extra careful with my emails because I don't want to taunt or torment them about my cushy American life.
For some reason, in my emails, I always write about food. I don't write about it much on this blog, but cooking, baking and dining out are a big part of my life. I love food! But if I tell Matt and Sara that I just discovered an amazing recipe for chili, I'm being a bitch. They don't have access to the ingredients for chili, and even if they did, they don't have the means to prep and cook it. (And God forbid I mention a trip to our family's favorite Mexican restaurant. If I want to send Matt to a dark place, I just need to text him the words "El Cholo.")
I try to avoid writing about any inconveniences or nuisances in our life. You can't exactly complain about long lines at the grocery store to Americans who live in a village where the locals eat monkeys. And your ant attack does not sound very impressive if your brother has seen a cobra in his front yard. I recently wrote about 500 words to Sara complaining about a plumbing issue before I remembered that she was taking bucket baths with brown water. My bad. I hit the delete button quickly.
I also try to avoid writing about really awesome stuff, like trips to Disneyland. Again, it makes me feel like a bitch. What am I supposed to write? Hey, guys, we went to Disneyland on Sunday and had so much fun. We went on all our favorite rides and ate a ton of delicious American food THAT YOU CAN'T EAT BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A REMOTE ASS VILLAGE IN SOUTH AFRICA. Ha ha, I hope you had fun taking a shower in brown water while I was riding Space Mountain. I'm going to go to the spa now and get a luxury massage and then I'm going to watch the World Series on our large screen t.v. while eating Mexican food. Gosh, Disneyland is just the best. But sorry, I heard there's a new rule: former Peace Corps volunteers are BANNED from the Disney parks FOREVER. Suck it.
Yeah, no, I can't write that. But if I email about a fun Disneyland trip in excruciating detail, I might as well be writing, I hate you and I hope you get diarrhea from accidentally eating a monkey.
Finally, I can't write about pop culture. Are Matt and Sara really interested in the fact that I think Mindy Kaling's new show is hilarious? Or that Modern Family keeps getting funnier? THEIR INTERNET CONNECTION CANNOT EVEN HANDLE A ONE SECOND VIDEO! If I email about the return of fall t.v., I might as well be writing, I love watching our favorite shows on our big screen t.v. while lounging on our comfy leather couch and eating your favorite foods. Have fun mopping your dirt floors. Suck it.
Yeah, no, I can't write that either.
Now here's my big question: Do I send them the link to this blog post? Or will the thought of Disneyland and El Cholo turn Matt into a tower of rage and destruction? It might be safest to wait until they return to the comforts of modern plumbing.
Thank God for email. Even in their remote ass village, Matt and Sara have internet access. Sort of. I recently emailed Matt a link to a one minute video, and Matt responded that he would have to check it the next time they were in a city. Their internet connection can maybe handle a video that is one second long before crashing.
We also exchange text messages, but we are only both awake at the same time for a few hours a day. I've woken Matt with text messages (sorry, dude), so I have to be really careful about the time difference.
Email works best. I can send a more substantive message, and I don't have to worry about the time difference. However, I do have to worry about the content of my emails.
I never just "write and send" an email to Matt or Sara. Oh no, no no no. I write, reread, revise, reread, revise, reread and then hit the send button. I am extra careful with my emails because I don't want to taunt or torment them about my cushy American life.
For some reason, in my emails, I always write about food. I don't write about it much on this blog, but cooking, baking and dining out are a big part of my life. I love food! But if I tell Matt and Sara that I just discovered an amazing recipe for chili, I'm being a bitch. They don't have access to the ingredients for chili, and even if they did, they don't have the means to prep and cook it. (And God forbid I mention a trip to our family's favorite Mexican restaurant. If I want to send Matt to a dark place, I just need to text him the words "El Cholo.")
I try to avoid writing about any inconveniences or nuisances in our life. You can't exactly complain about long lines at the grocery store to Americans who live in a village where the locals eat monkeys. And your ant attack does not sound very impressive if your brother has seen a cobra in his front yard. I recently wrote about 500 words to Sara complaining about a plumbing issue before I remembered that she was taking bucket baths with brown water. My bad. I hit the delete button quickly.
I also try to avoid writing about really awesome stuff, like trips to Disneyland. Again, it makes me feel like a bitch. What am I supposed to write? Hey, guys, we went to Disneyland on Sunday and had so much fun. We went on all our favorite rides and ate a ton of delicious American food THAT YOU CAN'T EAT BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A REMOTE ASS VILLAGE IN SOUTH AFRICA. Ha ha, I hope you had fun taking a shower in brown water while I was riding Space Mountain. I'm going to go to the spa now and get a luxury massage and then I'm going to watch the World Series on our large screen t.v. while eating Mexican food. Gosh, Disneyland is just the best. But sorry, I heard there's a new rule: former Peace Corps volunteers are BANNED from the Disney parks FOREVER. Suck it.
Yeah, no, I can't write that. But if I email about a fun Disneyland trip in excruciating detail, I might as well be writing, I hate you and I hope you get diarrhea from accidentally eating a monkey.
Finally, I can't write about pop culture. Are Matt and Sara really interested in the fact that I think Mindy Kaling's new show is hilarious? Or that Modern Family keeps getting funnier? THEIR INTERNET CONNECTION CANNOT EVEN HANDLE A ONE SECOND VIDEO! If I email about the return of fall t.v., I might as well be writing, I love watching our favorite shows on our big screen t.v. while lounging on our comfy leather couch and eating your favorite foods. Have fun mopping your dirt floors. Suck it.
Yeah, no, I can't write that either.
Now here's my big question: Do I send them the link to this blog post? Or will the thought of Disneyland and El Cholo turn Matt into a tower of rage and destruction? It might be safest to wait until they return to the comforts of modern plumbing.
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