Halloween Decorations!

During the first weekend of October, I decorated our house for Halloween. I was going to be tasteful and wait until mid-October, but half the neighborhood put up their decorations the last weekend of September. I did not want to be the Neighborhood Halloween Scrooge, so our lawn became a graveyard...

I scored our ghost last year at Walgreens for $5. Ghosty drifts eerily in the breeze, and the kids LOVE him. Every child who walks by our house in October stops to ogle Ghosty.

I have coveted novelty tombstones for years, so last year, I bought discounted gravestones on November 1. When I first mentioned my plan to buy tombstones, Nathan looked horrified; but he is a champ and humors my love of tacky Halloween decorations. (My fervor for Halloween decorations is perhaps embarrassing in some circles, but it is at least cheaper than a Prada addiction.)

While I'm thinking about it, let me tell you about shopping for Halloween decorations on November 1: don't bother with Target. Target will be picked clean about one minute after the store opens. Go to a Halloween megastore instead and have an open mind (but not too open of a mind, or you might end up with a twelve foot high demon clown).

Last Saturday, we went to a pumpkin patch and I behaved like a normal person. We only spent $30 total. (Nathan was expecting it to be much, much worse.) I love how the crooked stems look like something you might find in a witch's garden. Also, I would have bought these pumpkins sooner, but with our ridiculously hot October, I was afraid they would prematurely turn to mush.

This is the crown jewel of my Halloween decorations cache. Last year, I was desperate for a skeleton, but I only saw skeletons for $60 or more. I waited until the November 1 sales and found ... nothing. I went to FOUR stores and not a skeleton was to be found. So this year, as soon as the Halloween megastore by our house opened its doors in September, I rushed over and bought Gus for just $15. Gus is a cheap plastic piece of crap, and I had to use the gardening shears to get the leg bones to fit into the hip bone, but I love him. When he dies, I will replace him with something higher quality (price be damned).

I initially dressed Gus up with a sombrero that originally belonged to Wendy the Cactus. I think he looks dignified yet ready to party; but what I really wanted was a pirate skeleton.

One cheap pirate costume for kiddos at Target later, and behold, Gus the Pirate Skeleton King! (Eventually, I'd really like to get Gus a beret and striped shirt, but that's part of my 10 year plan.)

Indoors, I behaved and just put a few mini-pumpkins on the mantle. It's difficult to see, but the pumpkins are guarded by two Halloween nutcrackers (a devil and a skeleton bride).

There's another small box filled with decorations still in our basement, but I think this is enough for Halloween 2012. As a pregnant lady, I have serious napping responsibilities, and my back demands respect and pampering. However, I do reserve the right to buy more pumpkins.

PUMPKINS ARE BACK!!!

My grocery store is selling pumpkins! Woot woot!

 

Thus far, I have been very restrained and only purchased a single miniature pumpkin for the mantle. But doesn't he look lonely? I think he needs some pumpkin friends. Lots and lots of pumpkin friends.

p.s. The little fluffy chicks on the pinecones are from Easter, and I realize that September is no time for Easter decorations. But what am I supposed to do? Put the fluffy chicks in a dark scary box and abandon them in the basement? What sort of sick maniac do you take me for?! Little fluffy chicks belong on the mantle, all year long.

p.p.s. I gathered the pinecones for the mantle last year, and they have been on display for the past 12 months. I realize pinecones do not say "summer!" and Martha Stewart would be appalled at my total disregard for the seasons. But I don't care.

Happy Easter!

I wanted to give you a decorated pumpkin for Easter.  I was going to paint my gorgeous pumpkins to look like Easter eggs.  They were going to be the most exquisite Easter pumpkins in the entire universe.  The Easter bunny was going to do back flips from sheer ecstasy when he saw my pumpkin eggs.  Martha Stewart was going to cry from joy...

Oh, who am I kidding?  It's April.  I can get behind a Valentine pumpkin and even a St. Patrick's Day pumpkin, but an Easter pumpkin?  That's just absurd.  I tossed my pumpkins weeks ago.  (Bitches were starting to smell like death).

I got you tulips instead:

I adore tulips.  They make me want to run and sing and generally embarrass myself. 

I hope your weekend is full of love, sunshine and tulips.  Happy Easter!

My Lucky Pumpkins

I still have the pumpkins that I bought last September.  I keep expecting them to rot and start smelling like death, but they are still going strong.  Apparently I bought immortal pumpkins.  I see nothing wrong with this. 

To keep my pumpkins in step with the season, I went to Party City and bought them some Irish gear:

I think they look festive but dignified. 

Christmas Pumpkins

Q: Do I have to throw out my pumpkins, now that it's December?  They are just so orange, and they scream "Harvest!  Pilgrims!  Cornucopia!"  Pumpkins just do not fit in with the December holiday spirit, right? 

A: DO NOT THROW OUT YOUR PUMPKINS.  You should never throw out a pumpkin until it has rotted and smells like death.  It's very easy to update your pumpkins for Christmas.  Behold, the Christmas Pumpkin!

The 2011 Pumpkin Round-Up

Cherished Readers: I have been remiss.  I named this blog The Cranky Pumpkin, but have I blogged about pumpkins this fall?  No, I have not.  I am a terrible person.  You probably think I don't even like pumpkins.  If so, you are right: I don't like pumpkins; I love/adore/and/worship pumpkins!  Pumpkins are by far my favoritest gourd-like squash!  (Everyone needs a favorite gourd-like squash.  What's yours?) 

I try to restrain my love for pumpkins during the spring and summer.  But during the autumn?  I fully embrace my obsession with those beautiful, orange, round-with-a-glorious-hard-outer-shell vegetables! And so, without further ado, I give you The Cranky Pumpkin's 2011 Pumpkin Round-Up:





My pumpkin-boingy novetly headband.  There must be an official name for these headbands - but I have no idea what it is.  But I do know that if you wear this headband to the grocery store, you will make at least 10 adults smile.

Glorious pumpkins and a pumpkin doormat by the front door.  Although Halloween is over (boo), I have issued an Executive Order allowing the doormat to stay until November 7th.

A Jack-O-Lantern pen that lights up.  Sadly, I just packed the pen away with the Halloween decorations.  I would happily use it all year; but a grown woman using a Jack-O-Lantern pen in February just makes everyone uncomfortable.

Pumpkin-scented candle, miniature pumpkins, pumpkin ale and an old-school Jack-O-Lantern bowl/container/thing.  The pumpkin ale is  very tasty.  But, if I'm going to be honest, I bought the ale for the label.  I have a thing for labels, and a thing for pumpkins; so I was powerless when I saw the beer bottles with pumpkin labels.

Pumpkin pancakes.  From a restaurant.  Because although I am actually a pretty good cook, I fail in the Pancake Department.  

Canned pumpkin for some fall baking...

... and a bourbon pumpkin cheesecake!  (Using this wonderful recipe).  This cheesecake is a labor of love, but well worth the time and effort.  It will be making an appearance at my family's Thanksgiving gathering.  (And it made an appearance in my stomach, three nights in a row.)

And that concludes The Cranky Pumpkin's 2011 Pumpkin Round-Up.  Whew, I'm exhausted, and I didn't even show you my pumpkin necklace... or my pumpkin t-shirt... or my rubber pumpkin stamp for crafting... (is there a 12 step program for pumpkin addiction?  Because apparently I have a serious problem).