I hate stalker sales clerks. I'm not talking about a friendly clerk who says hello, asks if I need any help, and then recedes into the background. I'm talking about the ones who pretend to be my shadow and follow me around while I try to shop. They ask a thousand questions, tell me about all the current promotions, inquire about my personal life, remind me about the current promotions, and act as if we are best friends. Even though I answer their questions with monosyllables and grunts, they think that their conversational skills are increasing the likelihood of a sale.
Don't they realize they are just annoying the crap out of me? Why must they be so freaking persistent? I have a few theories:
1) Annoying Stalker Sales Clerks are just really oblivious and stupid. They do not realizing they are killing my desire to buy a new lipstick or hand lotion. Have you ever hosted a soiree and there's one guest who does not realize the party is over, and that guest lingers for hours? And starts going through your photo albums and planning the vacation you are going to take together next Christmas? The guest-who-will-not-go-home is probably an Annoying Stalker Sales Clerk.
2) The "follow the customer around like a shadow" strategy actually works. By asking a customer a thousand questions, the clerk guilts and/or bullies the customer into buying some crap she does not actually want.
3) Customers actually like the Annoying Stalker Sales Clerks. These customers decide to go to the mall in the hopes of befriending an Annoying Stalker Sales Clerk. They want to share their life story in the hopes that the clerk will help them buy a scarf that will change their life.
My third theory distresses me the most. My friends and foes: if you are in such dire need of conversation, please visit a bar or nursing home. For the love of all things sacred in this world, please don't encourage the Annoying Stalker Sales Clerk.
