My husband and I drink a lot of soda. If you opened our recycling bin, you would gasp at the number of empty plastic bottles. Now, before you launch into a lecture about the health risks, I would like to make two observations: (1) we only drink diet soda; and (2) we don’t care about the health risks. Please save your lectures for crack addicts, chain smokers, and nose pickers.
I have undertaken the responsibility of maintaining our soda supplies. My husband probably drinks more soda than I do, but he has a real job with a real commute and really long hours whereas I telecommute part time and spend an unhealthy amount of time in my pajama pants.
We do not smoke, and as between smoking cigarettes and drinking soda, I think soda is the lesser evil. But I will say this about cigarettes: at least they do not weigh a lot. I usually restock our soda supplies at the grocery store, and my god, 10 or 20 bottles of soda are really effin heavy (especially if you have useless T-rex arms like I do). Try pushing a cart weighed down with 20 bottles of soda around your grocery store. It's really not that bad, except for the fact that it's a total pain in the ass.
Last June, I got the bright idea to just buy 100 bottles of soda all at once so I could avoid soda shopping until the end of the summer. Our grocery store was having an amazing sale, so I launched Operation: Buy An Absurd Amount Of Soda.
I bought nearly 100 bottles of soda and had to make two trips into the store. Both times, I filled my cart entirely with soda. Word to the wise: when you fill your cart entirely with soda bottles, people will ask questions. And when they ask if you are throwing a party, it’s really fun to whisper, It's for a scientific experiment.
Fast forward to October. We still have at least 10 bottles of soda leftover from Operation: Buy An Absurd Amount Of Soda. I have fortified our supplies a few times when I see a good price at the store, but for the most part, I did not have to worry about our soda supplies this summer.
I thought I was so smart. I thought, Next time, I’ll buy 200 bottles of soda, ha ha! I started to daydream about an annual soda run, even if that meant turning our garage into Soda Command Central.
But, alas, I recently learned a valuable lesson. Unlike wine, soda does not improve with age. Especially if it is stored in our garage. I opened a bottle of soda from my June shopping spree this morning, and bleh, it tastes like garbage.
Oh well. No more soda shopping sprees for Courtney. Does anyone need a bottle of flat cola?
